In today’s installment of Understanding Shawn I want to talk for a bit about incels – which are the latest misogynistic monstrosity to have surged into the public consciousness.  Problem is, I absolutely understand the frustration they feel.  Who they blame and how they choose to react is myopic and disgusting, but I know this loneliness.

And I’m not alone.  ‘Unfuckable’ women don’t go on killing sprees is a good essay that much more accurately describes my feelings on this subject as well as my life experiences.  The incel concept strikes a cord with me because I’ve lived it all of my life. Unfortunately, like so many other things, it’s been hijacked and subverted by self-centered, sexist (and often racist) pricks who think they’re entitled to take whatever they want from others.

Originally, the phrase involuntary celibacy was coined by a young woman – as noted in the article linked above.  Because yes, there are many of us who feel chronically shunned, ignored and cast aside.  However:

  1. These experiences are not limited by gender or sex.  Men, women (cis and trans), non-binary – all can suffer from this loneliness.
  2. We don’t blame others. Sure, we ask “Why?!”, but we recognize that others don’t really owe us a damn thing.
  3. Others are PEOPLE – fellow human beings. We may not understand them, may even be angry with them. But they are NOT things; “resources” to be consumed or destroyed.

So, to those of us who don’t get enough of the contact and connection you need know that you are a not alone, you are not broken and you are wanted.  To those of you who just want another excuse to abuse women, go fuck yourself.

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